I feel betrayed

My cook of 12 months left earlier this week. Without any notice!

She wanted a raise of 30%.  I offered a 15% hike as per my budget. She said “Fine, then get someone else to do your work” Not in the exact same words but she meant this. And the attitude that came along was nothing to die for.

At first, I felt so relieved that at least for some time now I can cook at my own pace. I wouldn’t have to run to the corner wala vegetable vendor before the cook came. Or wake up every morning and rack my brains to plan what has to be made that day before the cook came. Or try to arrange replacements for missing veggies or spices.

But then came the feelings of betrayal and hurt! WARNING: For those of who have never had a maid/cook or have not had one who left without any notice – this will be difficult to understand. You might label me as melodramatic or plain crazy. But ask those who have faced this situation and they’ll agree to some degree of grief! 

For almost a day I kept thinking “Why did this happen to me?” “Why did she do this to me and not to any of her other employers?” [Maybe she has done the same to others but I don’t know of it]. I felt [for a fraction of the day], maybe its my fault. I should have agreed to the amount she asked for. But then that’s not fair – its like emotional blackmail. Work for someone for a year, when they get used to your style and are all comfortable and in their happy place then you drop the bombshell – pay up more or I will shatter your dream world inside the crystal ball. And I did agree to pay more just not the astronomical raise she asked me for.

What happened next upset me even more. A day or 2 after the incident N and I were going down the elevator when my ex-cook entered in on another floor. N was very happy to see her and shouted her name out. Then he says “I miss u didi”, “N miss kiya didi ko”. He didn’t express that at home anytime but I guess as soon as he saw her he felt like sharing his feelings. It made me almost teary eyed. A kid could become so attached to your maid/day-help/cook but the other person could be least bothered. All they would care about is how much money they could make out of it.

After this incident I vowed not to get attached to any of my helps. Lets keep this all professional. No strings attached. Reading what has been written so far, I realize I sound like a jilted lover who has been betrayed. Well I have been, just that it’s by my cook. None the less this has made me a wiser person.

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6 thoughts on “I feel betrayed

  1. I know exactly how you feel Simran. Especially seeing your baby getting attached to her. I have gone through this heartache not once, not twice but atleast a dozen times since we have moved to India. And not just with a cook but with a fulltime maid whose primary job was to take care of my baby. So when they just leave like that, its not unusual to feel betrayed. That’s why I am at a point where I try not to get any attachment come in the way. Infact I chose to put my baby in a daycare setting now so that she is also not vulnerable anymore. It sucks and we feel cheated but we have to realize that for them, this is just a job and they know we need them a lot. And they need every single penny they can make to run their household as well. Some people are exceptionally nice and those we should try and hang on to as much as we can. Nyways…not wanting to make this a long comment but you can read through several of my posts on this topic and will know that you are not alone 🙂 Hugs.

  2. Thanks Divya!! I figured out after a few days that no attachment is better and if and when I have to choose between stay-at-home-maid and a day care I would go with the latter.I found a replacement who is nicer than the ex!! 🙂 So maybe that’s what was meant to happen.

  3. I went through the exact same thing a few weeks ago and I went through the same cycle of emotions; relief first followed by a feeling of betrayal. All these feelings are completely wasted on the so called ‘help’ though I guess, they really couldn’t care less! In fact the nicer you are to them and the more you engage with them, the worse you feel when they leave so I’m trying VERY hard to be strictly professional now!

    • NMOTB – I am trying to do the same this time around. So professional stuff, no emotions involved, everything is strictly business. Lets see how that goes.

  4. I hope she spoke kindly to Neil when he said that. Will give her a piece of my mind, otherwise.
    I have never had a maid quit – thanks to my nomadic existence so far, I move out before maid does, possibly! But if it did happen, even if it were for a genuine reason, I would be under a lot of stress.
    You know what I think of your new cook 😉 😉

    • Yes Arundhati, she talked sweetly but she didn’t have any words in response to the “I miss you didi”. I feel much better now. The new cook is great and the food is yumm, like you said 🙂
      The only thing this time I have changed my approach a bit and am trying not to become too attached. With time if the feeling changes, well then that’s ok. But for now my guard is up.

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